So let's just get it out there, I am not pregnant. The IUI was not successful. I have wondered over the past 2 weeks how these things fail when everything looks so promising. The only thing I can rationalize is that it was not a part of God's perfect timing. So today marks cycle day 1, and I have already placed a call to REACH to start the process over again. Sunday, I caved and took a test (2 days early) and it was negative. Before I took the test, I kneeled and prayed and I had this overwhelming sense that I should not take that test. I prayed for God to hold me and comfort me if the test was negative, please don't give me tears, but give me focus. I prayed for Him to calm me, and to forgive me bc I haven't had the strength to keep praying for our baby. (Don't get me wrong, I just don't pray for baby anymore. My thoughts are mostly attuned to God and my internal/external conversations that I have with Him daily) However, I am human and I tested anyway. After the negative result, my mind drifted to a gym/running/hot yoga routine that I am anxious to start after this week, just bc we have SO much going on this week.
Last night I kneeled and prayed again, but not for a positive, but for today, which I was really nervous would be really tough. So far, so good and no tears. Charlie is very disappointed and he really thought this was it.
So what brings me joy today? Many things, let me tell you about them:
The power of prayer and God's arms wrapped tightly around me
Family and friends who have been praying for us
Plans to start a new year with a clean slate
Planning a week-long family vacation to Folly Beach, our little slice of Heaven in the Carolina's
and lastly; my mom is HAPPY, dating, and acting like a teenager. Even though she is under-the-
weather, she is still beaming. Her blood pressure is lower than ever, she is stress free, and OH,
did I mention she was dating a fantastic guy??? She is even surprising herself.
Oh the promises a new year will bring. I leave you with this "When life gets too tough to stand....KNEEL."
Clean slate... 2011! Could you imagine if you were going through this this time last year... it's probably would have been a totally different experience... the test... it's what gives us our testimony. Although some days I told God that I didn't have the strenght to go through the test for the gain of a testimony that would help others... but He knew... the {When} the {how} and the {time}. Even when everything seemed perfect and we did everything in our power to become parents, it was truly then that I realized that it was He who decides to breath life and to take that away.
ReplyDeleteDear friend, we have met in this journey because of our similarities. For that I am greatful. I am greatful that you are holding onto what matters most and that is the Hope that only comes from God. No friend can give you that hope. Continue to kneel as that is what will carry you through this journey. Your soul will be enriched in the midst of the test. You will be a better women, wife and mother because you have decided to put your hope and trust in Him.
"And now, Lord, what do I wait for and expect? My hope and expectation are in You." Psalm 39: 7
"Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord." Psalm 27: 14
"But as for me, I will look to the Lord and confident in Him I will keep watch; I will wait with hope and expectancy for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me." Micah 7: 7
"May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope." Romans 15: 13
Praying for you sweet friend and I am here for you however you need me!
So glad to hear your mom is dating!!! That is wonderful and I know brings such joy to your heart.
So here is to the joys of the {promises} 2011 WILL bring!!!
Jenny H
Hey Mary,
ReplyDeleteI've been keeping up with your blog since I saw it on Meredith's page. I ask her about you a lot, and I just want you to know that I have kept you and Charlie in my prayers. Try not to get discouraged, you have a lot of support on your side.
Aw, thanks Michal. Its been SO long since I have seen you. I, too, ask Meredith about you and Mike. Thank you for your prayers, it means alot. JennyH, read your Facebook message last night...LOVED the poem. Hope you are feeling well.
ReplyDeleteI find myself checking your blog religiously for updates. I pray every morning for you an Charlie and I know God has an amazing plan for you. Your note to me this morning was right on the money! It's like a direct message just when you need it. I'm so thankful for your messages and notes. You are an amazing woman Mary. I love you and hope that you guys have a wonderful Christmas.
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