Crazy Week of Emotions

I have always thought that I am a pretty level-headed person....for the most part, but whatever, we all have our moments. So the thoughts of pregnancy related emotions have really toyed with me this week. I never thought I would be one of the those who gets emotional or wrapped up emotionally in things during pregnancy....guess again!
Which brings me to the issue of what has me emotional: my relationship with my father. I won't go on too much, but those that know me or have followed my blog from the beginning know some of the issues that stem from my relationship with my dad. My father and mom split up (story of many people) about 2 years ago, but it was a nasty split; complete with an affair galore on my dad's side. During this time, my father said some very harsh things to my sister, our spouses, and myself. My point in writing this is that on my drives to work or laying in bed at night when I am feeling this lil guy stirring inside, I cannot imagine saying/acting in these ways to this miracle of life. This leaves me completely baffled at my father's behavior. Let me also be clear that I have prayed about this situation and have forgiven; I guess pregnancy just has a way of making you extra sensitive to life. I just pray that God will reveal His plan for my relationship with my father in His own time.
I changed my blog picture to my favorite Mother's Day picture from 2009. My mom and sister are amazing ladies and mothers. God blessed me richly with these two and not to mention my sweet niece, Reagan. This was Reagan's first Mother's Day post heart surgery, and we are so blessed to have her with us happy and healthy to this day. Moving on.
Who has had CRAZY allergies this past month? There is no way I can wear my contacts, go 30 minutes without sneezing, and watery/itchy eyes to no end. Allergy eye drops are my BFF right now. We were hanging out with friends on Saturday night and were grilling out. As I was looking around, I just saw white dandeloin (sp) fuzz falling from everywhere. Needless to say, I went inside and fell asleep....its okay though bc our friends are pregnant too, so they recognize when "momma" has had enough...I keep promising to post pics from the gender party, Charleston trip, and now a dear friend's baby shower. I promise to post those soon. Rambling on:

How Far Along: 18 weeks, 2 days
Weight Gain: up 1 lb. Total gain of 6 lbs...this will change at our doctor's appointment on Monday, I am sure of it.
Maternity Clothes: Yes to all
Stretch Marks: Nope
Sleep: tossing and turning
Best Moment of the week: I FELT HIM MOVE!!!
Gender: Team BLUE
Belly Button: In
What I Miss: Nothing, I LOVE carrying this child.
Symptoms: I have just pieced together that I have been having braxton hicks contractions for the last 2 nights. Only a couple and not very strong. I also snissed myself the other day. Snissed, you may ask? Well, let's just say that when I sneezed, it caused another reaction. Charlie wondered why I was bolting towards the stairs to the shower.
Looking Forward To: Our appointment on Monday when I get to see him on the ultrasound and hear his heartbeat.
Milestones: I am the most pregnant I have ever been and blessed with a boy!!

Crazy Busy and No Time to Stop

Good morning. I have yet to post Charleston pics or the Gender Party pics...I am slack, I know. This week and last weekend were crazy busy and it doesn't stop there. We are in the middle of Baby Boom 2011 and I cannot believe all the ladies pregnant, just had babies, or REALLY contemplating expanding that family. This weekend, I am hosting a baby shower for my dear friend Lindsey. Her husband and mine have been friends since childhood, and their little girl Tatum is due in June. The next 3 weekends are consumed with seeing old friends and baby showers...I told you Baby Boom 2011.

This past Monday and Tuesday I was in Raleigh for work. Its amazing what people think you can or can't do or what you want just becuase you are pregnant. For example, my co worker offered to drive home yesterday. I LOVE to drive on these trips bc they go by faster. She just wanted to make sure that I could drive or sit in the car for a 3 hour drive. Sweet offer, but I never thought about that; instead I drove. Or yesterday, I went to talk to a lady at this company. After she answered my question, she took me to meet another lady (who has nothing to do with our work with this company) only to show me her candy jar full of bite-sized chocolates. She told me she thought I would enjoy meeting this lady and having access to her candy jar. Ummmm, no thank you. Or how about someone offering to pump my gas bc "the baby doesn't need to smell the gas fumes." These are all sweet gestures and all, but really, I still have a life and function just fine. I have been told, it only gets worse, or better, depending on how you look at it.

I just want to say that many of my readers have reached out to me over the last few weeks and months, and left me the sweetest facebook messages EVER. I appreciate everyone of you and look forward to sharing in your journeys as well. For those of you that I follow your blogs and consider real life friends, I am thinking of you often and praying for your adventures with your new "promises." Update us when you can.

Rambling on to updates:

How Far Along: 17 weeks, 1 day

Weight Gain: Up 1 lb. Total gain of 6 lbs.

Maternity Clothes: Bottoms always, some dresses, and starting to look at shirts. PS~Destination Maternity has tanks for layering for $7.50 when you buy 2 or more. I am really digging tie dye apparel too.

Stretch Marks: Nope, still attempting to fight genetics and slathering on belly butters and creams.

Sleep: Just fine

Best Moment of the Week: Creating little man's registry at Buy Buy Baby and Babies R Us

Gender: Team BLUE!!

Belly Button: In

What I Miss: Nothing, I LOVE carrying this baby boy!

Looking Forward To: Feeling him kick and hopefully my belly will pop out soon. Still rocking the chub-from-consuming-adult-beverages-look.

Milestones: I am the most pregnant I have ever been and blessed with a baby boy!

This and That

Spring time is HERE!! I LOVE storms, rain, and sunshine. The pollen has also arrived....ugh! I have continued to battle itchy watery eyes, runny nose, and headaches this week accompanied with some neverending fatigue these past two days. Thank you to my springtime allergies. Last weekend, we went to Charleston with some amazing friends, Ross and Lindsey. That's another post for another time. We ate and ate and ate...a pregnant girl's dream.....well, also my dream pre-preg too. Shrimp, friend green tomatoes, salads, crab dip, grits, gouda mac and cheese, gelato...the list goes on and on. I was in HEAVEN!! This weekend Charlie is golfing in Santee Cooper with some work friends and I am hanging out with my mom in Lincolnton for the weekend. Its so nice to chill out and just be. My mom just added this amazing sunroom onto the back of her house and I LOVE to spend time out there. Tomorrow my mom and mother in law are going with me to register for little man Cagle. It seems like the weeks are flying by now that I am in the second tri. I have heard that's how it happens and then your third tri drags bc you are so ready to meet your little one. Well on to this weeks update: How Far Along: 16 weeks, 3 days Weight Gain/Loss: I went to the doctor on Tuesday, I am up 1 lb. Maternity Clothes: Bottoms always, some dresses, and beginning to think about buying some tops. Stretch Marks: No, still slathering on my butters and oils. Sleep: Pretty good, I have started getting up again every few hours. Best Moment of the week: Hearing his heartbeat and seeing Charlie rub and talk to the little guy...melt my heart. Gender: Team BLUE! Belly Button: In What I Miss: Nothing, I love carrying this baby boy. But some seared tuna would be amazing. Looking Forward To: Little man to pop out already....quit making mommy look like she chugs numerous adult beverages on a daily basis. Milestones: I am the most pregnant I have ever been and blessed with a baby boy.

Raw, Reflective, and Hopefully Faith Inspiring

My apologies, blogger is not letting me use paragraphs. This past week I have seen numerous posts (blog or message boards) about PGAL (pregnant after a loss) and the emotions and guarding of yourself that go along with being PGAL. This past week a lot of unpleasant memories came flooding back to me when a co-worker at lunch was mentioning checking his father into the emergency room. April 6, 2011: Just the mention of an emergency room, and my mind immediately went to that June 6th, 2010 morning, when we went to the emergency room bc I was spotting during my previous pregnancy. That was the morning that I could not speak the words to check myself into the emergency room, when I laid my head on the desk and let Charlie do all the talking. June 6, 2010 when we had an ultrasound and our bubbly ultrasound tech turned blank and would not speak to us. June 6, 2010 I laid on my emergency room bed for 3 hours waiting for the doctor to come and talk to us about the results of our ultrasound and to tell us that our child was ok. June 6, 2010 as the hours past I became embarressed and could not even look at Charlie bc I could not support our child. While the doctors hadn't delivered the news at this point, it was pretty darn obvious. June 6, 2010 my obgyn came into our room at 1:30 pm and told me that I am not as far along as I thought I was. This was the day I was treated by this doctor like it was just another day at the office. I was offered a D&E and I refused. June 6, 2010, I fell forward on the hospital bed crying and screaming bc of what I thought I failed to do. We were offered a follow up visit the next morning to confirm our "missed abortion," instead of hearing our child's heartbeat like we were scheduled to do. Those were my thoughts on April 6, 2011 at the mere mention of an emergency room. Bear with me, I promise to get uplifting. April 6, 2011, I went to my sister's house for supper and she was talking to me about what she learned in school that day (she is in nursing school). She told me they discussed miscarriage and how it technically referred to as "spontaneous abortion," but miscarriage is the preferred term. She told me that they learned about the shock that mother's go through when this happens. The mother has the thoughts of a real baby growing inside her and starting a family. All of a sudden that is taken away and the baby is not growing inside anymore. Women need MONTHS to recover from a miscarriage. You have to take time to process everything going on with you and around you. It made me feel better bc it took me about 5 months to finally turn a corner; yes, I made progress during those 5 months, but that 5 month mark really changed things. Why? not sure, but maybe walking by faith. Looking back, the day that I had those flooding thoughts was the 10 month mark of that morning at the hospital. You see at first, we just waited for my next cycle to arrive...you never know when that will happen. After that first month, we knew we were another month closer to trying again. I picked up a book called "Hannah's Hope" by Jennifer Saake which began to change my outlook on the situation and my life. Up until this book, I had a WTF God? attitude over the whole situation. I prayed everyday that God would bless us. Numerous nights of Charlie not at home, I was on my floor praying for hours, just asking for God to take my pain and for God's blessing on us for such a miracle. My faith grew in so many ways during this time. I now realize that I needed this time to be shaped into the mother that God wanted me to be. I may not know God's plan behind the loss, but one day we will have a nice chat about it. My anger turned into sadness, then into faithfulness. You see, I grew to realize that we have all these plans in life, but OUR plans....God just laughs at those. You are not on your own time here, we are on God's time. My relationship with God grew to such a place that I relied on Him for everything. I cannot do life without Him, and I don't want to. When PGAL women become pregnant, there are a ton of emotions that go into the next nine+ months. I was certain I was going to be an emotional wreck, analyzing everything, and living in fear the entire time. I realize I went through this one time; for many women the circumstances are more extreme and it may happen numerous times. For me, I have been the calm one during this pregnancy; Charlie has been the anxious one. There has been complete ease and peace of mind during these 4.5 months carrying our son. When I feel doubt creeping in, I just ask God to take it away and I rely on my faith to pull me through. It always does. I have never worried once during this pregnancy, and I think that is what I needed from Him to get me here. With God all things are possible. I leave you with this 1 Samuel 1:27 "For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him."

Updates Galore

I honestly do not know where the weeks are going. They FLY by so fast. It seemed like it took an eternity to make it out of the first trimester, but now the past few weeks have just been passing by at lightening speed. This is a great thing bc it means the weekends arrive quicker. I LOVE springtime and we keep our weekends pretty stacked full of fun stuff.

Last Friday night, we went on one of the best dates ever. We visited 3D Dreams (in Baxter Village, Ft. Mill, SC) for an elective ultrasound, where we found out our little lovebug is a BOY!! I chugged fruit punch that I normally give to my nursery kiddos on Sunday nights prior to leaving the house to wake the baby up.

The little guy was so excited to be on camera. He was rolling around and laying just like I was, with one hand behind his head. His feet were curled at the ankles. I promise you (Charlie thinks I am crazy), but this little man looks like daddy around his nose and mouth area. I will take that, as I think daddy is quite easy on the eyes. The ultrasound tech measured us, and we were measuring at 15 weeks, 5 days. At the time, I was 14 weeks, 4 days. When she finally got to the downstairs region, Charlie said "Do I see man parts?" The tech said "Yes, you do." I immediately jumped in and asked if these could be female parts covered by the cord or if these were swollen, undeveloped female parts to which I got a response of "No." Charlie asked "I have a son??" Tech "Yes, you do." Me "Oh, my little man." We then noticed how excited the fellow was to show off his man parts. Every other picture taken of this child is of his "goods." To me, I just imagined him saying "Look Mom, look what I've got." "Look Dad, I am just like you." The tech even talked about how much of an exhibitionist our little guy was. This behavior will be worked on when he arrives :)

We then went to eat some pasta at Fratelli's. I had been craving pasta all week, but unfortunately, after 3 bites, I was finished...thank you to my new friends indigestion and heartburn. Last Saturday we went home (Lincolnton, NC) to visit family and have our gender party. That morning I picked up cupcakes which had the blue icing injected into the middle and the the cupcakes were iced with pink or blue, so that people could pick which gender they thought we were having. Unfortunately, my pics for this one aren't loading correctly. I will post them later.

In other exciting, developing news (ha), my dear friend Meredith is going to make little man's crib bedding. It will be even more special to us knowing it came from her!!! Thanks and love you sweet friend!!

Rambling on to this week's updates:

How Far Along: 15 weeks, 1 day

Weight Gain/Loss: up 3 lbs (this will remain constant until I go back to the doctor as I do NOT own scales, and no judging when you see a drastic difference in weight change.)

Maternity Clothes: Pants always, some dresses. Shirts are still big.

Stretch Marks: None!

Sleep: Amazing, except when I get hot at night.

Best moment of the week: Finding out our little guy is a BOY and our gender party.

Food Cravings: Nothing really except pasta last week, but that passed.

Gender: Team Blue!

Belly Button: In

What I Miss: Nothing, I LOVE carrying this baby boy!

Looking Forward To: I am ready to "pop." I still appear chubby in the belly, and I want to "pop" into the bump. Should be anyday now since I have been super itchy on my stomach, sides, and some round ligament pain going on.

Milestones: I am the most pregnant I have ever been and blessed with a baby boy.