Merry Christmas

I would like to wish all my "followers" and readers a very Blessed Advent Season and a Fabulous New Year.

When Life Gets too Tough to Stand....Kneel

I couldn't think of a better title than this for this post. I am going to start this post off and it may be sad to some, and me, but I promise to pick up the beat at the end.

So let's just get it out there, I am not pregnant. The IUI was not successful. I have wondered over the past 2 weeks how these things fail when everything looks so promising. The only thing I can rationalize is that it was not a part of God's perfect timing. So today marks cycle day 1, and I have already placed a call to REACH to start the process over again. Sunday, I caved and took a test (2 days early) and it was negative. Before I took the test, I kneeled and prayed and I had this overwhelming sense that I should not take that test. I prayed for God to hold me and comfort me if the test was negative, please don't give me tears, but give me focus. I prayed for Him to calm me, and to forgive me bc I haven't had the strength to keep praying for our baby. (Don't get me wrong, I just don't pray for baby anymore. My thoughts are mostly attuned to God and my internal/external conversations that I have with Him daily) However, I am human and I tested anyway. After the negative result, my mind drifted to a gym/running/hot yoga routine that I am anxious to start after this week, just bc we have SO much going on this week.

Last night I kneeled and prayed again, but not for a positive, but for today, which I was really nervous would be really tough. So far, so good and no tears. Charlie is very disappointed and he really thought this was it.

So what brings me joy today? Many things, let me tell you about them:

The power of prayer and God's arms wrapped tightly around me

Family and friends who have been praying for us

Plans to start a new year with a clean slate

Planning a week-long family vacation to Folly Beach, our little slice of Heaven in the Carolina's

and lastly; my mom is HAPPY, dating, and acting like a teenager. Even though she is under-the-
weather, she is still beaming. Her blood pressure is lower than ever, she is stress free, and OH,
did I mention she was dating a fantastic guy??? She is even surprising herself.

Oh the promises a new year will bring. I leave you with this "When life gets too tough to stand....KNEEL."

The Joys of Making "Family Memories"

Happy Monday everyone. I wanted to share a funny story from last Thursday night. I am really big into making family memories. Looking back on my childhood, we had the best time and great memories to reflect on. So in an effort to start traditions, Charlie and I (mostly me) wanted to take a family trip to McAdenville with the my sister and her family (Lori, Rob, nephew Gavin 6, and niece Reagan 3) to see the Christmas lights. Unfortunately, Rob had a work Christmas party and was unable to participate. So we load up our 4Runner with 2 carseats, Lori, Charlie, and me. We started at McDonald's in Gastonia as that was the kids choice of dining. I think the huge, indoor playground had a lot to do with that decision as well. Then off we go to the Christmas lights in McAdenville, except this time I get in the back middle seat bc Lori felt the beginning of car sickness and she took my place in the front. The night couldn't have gone better, with my hot chocolate in hand, and disregarding Lori and Charlie's quiet comments about how this outing was boring, no one was going to rain on this parade. As we are riding through McAdenville, we roll down the windows to hear the church bells and so the kids can tell every passing car "Merry Christmas." We even let Gavin put his head out of the sunroof and tell everyone "Merry Christmas." (Please don't think we are awful and dangerous, everyone else does it and we were holding onto him very tightly.) Gavin's next Christmas wish for everyone went something like this "Merry Christmas to all and to all THE goodnight." Yes, "the goodnight," but it was soo cute.

After we leave McAdenville, we are going down the interstate about 20 minutes from home, when Reagan (whom I am still sitting beside) starts saying over and over "Take my seatbelt off, take my seatbelt off." I explain that we can't bc we are going down the road and its dangerous. "Take my seatbelt off, take my seatbelt off, cough, cough, VOMIT!!" I flip the light on and find "mess" all over the place. So Lori gets me the napkins that I always keep in my dash, and I proceed to start wiping. This poor angel was just crying and soaked. As I am wiping round 2 came and this time it was projectile and was all over the place, including the back of the driver's seat and all over my hand. My eyes pop open really wide, fought off my initial urge to vomit myself, and started giving orders. "Next exit, gas station on right, GO." All the while, my little angel Reagan is just crying for me to wipe her wipe her. We were out of napkins.

We finally make it to this gas station, Charlie runs in to get supplies, Lori and I strip Reagan in the parking lot down to her undies, clean her off, and set her in the front seat with her mommy's fleece jacket over her. Reagan's clothes go into a plastic bag and are tied off, and the carseat is moved into the very back of the car as well. Oh yeah, meanwhile, Gavin, still sitting in his carseat, keeps saying "Oh my gosh, Reagan is going to die, Reagan is going to die." The car is finally cleaned (as much as could be) and back on the interstate we go with Reagan riding on Lori's lap (don't judge). Right before our exit off the interstate, Reagan says "I need a napkin, I need a napkin, VOMIT." This time she vomited all over mommy's fleece jacket....twice. Once we finally got back to their house, the windows could be rolled up, and Reagan was immediately stuck in the tub and her carseat and clothes were placed in the washing machine. Lori and Rob gave us a gift certificate to have our car cleaned both inside and out. It looks like someone takes after their mommy.

How about that for making family memories?

What do you do when.....

....your husband won't tell you what he wants for Christmas bc he can't think of anything he wants or needs? We met for a little mexican lunch date today, and again I went through the pulling teeth process to figure out what Chuckles wants for Christmas. I figured out why he has his "wants" or "needs" in the back of his mind. Prepare yourselves......wait for it.......he is being CHEAP.

WHAT? Yes, you read it, C-H-E-A-P! Today he said "Its different when its our money we are spending." Let's be honest, we all have things that we cut corners on, or a cheap side for certain things. Don't get me wrong, we don't go crazy spending money on eachother at Christmas, but if Charles doesn't suck it up, he will only be receiving his $50 toy that is identical to my 6 year old nephew's, Gavin. Well, I take that back, he will also be getting his stocking stuffers that consist of a Rubix Cube, Uno, and some chapsticks (he doesn't read this blog, so his surprises aren't spoiled). I have no clue. I suggested the iPod touch, surround sound, a sound bar, etc....NOTHING!!

Which leads me to another question. Every year, as a part of his presents, I ALWAYS make an effort to get Charlie a toy. Let's face it, men are still children whose eyes beam when they have a bright, shiny, brand new toy. So I will end this post by asking two questions:

1) What are areas in your life that you are "cheap?"
2) What do you try to be consistent with every year when giving presents?

It's here.....

WOW!! Never did I think that in 1 day, we would receive SO much information. So this morning, we went to REACH for our 7:30 am ultrasound and labs. So during our day 12 ultrasound, we were told we may see candidates for the follicles which would release eggs, but probably nothing definite. Dr. W first checked my uterine lining, which measured at 8 mm (he wanted to see at least 7 mm). He then proceeds to check my right ovary and see some "possibilities," but nothing definite. Then he moved over to check out my left ovary and said "Woooaaahh, there they are." Apparently I have 2 great follicles, and once I take my ovidrel shot, I WILL release 2 eggs.

I also asked Dr. W about the gender statistics for IUI. He explained they were 50/50 and went on to explain that IVF babies typically lean more towards female babies. I then asked if we got pregnant, what are our chances for twins, since there are two eggs that WILL be released. He explained that with IUI, we have a 25% chance of getting pregnant and if we get pregnant, there is a 20% chance of having twins. He ended our visit by telling us, that someone would call today after my labs were complete and give me the gameplan for the remainder of the week.

After we got back from REACH, we headed to church, where our Sunday School teacher asks if we have any prayer requests. After everyone else has gone, I simply said "Please pray for us, we have a huge week coming up and we really need your prayers." At the end of class, she stops the lesson and just says that God is laying us on her heart and she wanted to know if she could pray for us again (cue the waterworks). She wanted our class to gather around and pray for us and PRAY for us they did. We really couldn't ask for a better group of people to worship our God with.

At 1:00 today, I get a call from Dr. W's nurse. She explains that I need to take my Ovidrel shot at 6:00 pm tonight and then report to REACH at 7-7:30 am on Tuesday morning for the process to begin.

So at 5:30 pm I show up on my sister's doorstep, dangling the Ovidrel box in front of her eyes. It was like waving a t-bone in front of a dog, she was READY to give that shot. Lori did an amazing job, and the shot was painless.

So Tuesday morning is our time. Please continue to pray for us and also for a very dear friend who is about to go through the same procedure as us. Its no fun to struggle with infertility; but I am glad I have this friend to lean on and go through it together. Love you friend.

Not the Ideal Time of Year, but....

...I am getting myself back into shape. Seriously, with Christmas right around the corner, this is not the ideal time. HOWEVER, Charlie and I had our pictures made last Sunday afternoon. Our photographer was GREAT, LOVE HER. But I do not like the way I look "soft" and "pudgy," definitely not the photographer's fault, but only MINE!!! Now I have noticed clothes fitting more snug or just not fitting at all over the last year, and I guess it is officially time to wave goodbye to the french fries, raw fries, and sweets that I LOVE so much! So my goal is to hopefully get back to 130...an ideal weight for me. I look anoerexic in my 120's. In all honesty, there have been days that I come home and will cook dinner, do this and that around the house, and then crash on the couch and not move. Why? I may be upset about my dad and his "situation," upset about not being completely satisfied with my career, or that I am just not pregnant. No more of this nonsense. These pictures make me see how important exercise is in our daily routines. Today I took myself to Body Pump for the first time since I was pregnant, and I feel soooo good. Why did I ever stop going in the first place? Hmmm. Charlie and I have always said that if people battling depression would try to go to the gym consistently, they may not need to take the medication for depression. So, with that said, I am going for a run. Catch ya'll later.