Can't Think of a Title for this One

On my drive to work this morning I did a lot of thinking, which led to tears, which then led to happiness. You see, I have started this habit over the last 3 weeks of listening to Selah while driving to work. Yes, I have my favorites which are on "repeat," but I find this is some of the most soul-calming, praise-hands worthy, drop-you-to-your-knees-in-praise music I have ever heard. I have some of the best moments of my day during my drive to work.

My thought process this morning: its been almost 5 months since "June;" 3 months of "trying" AGAIN; progesterone levels over the last 3 months are not ideal; an HSG test accompanied with a curved organ that needed "straightening (OUCH!);" a negative pregnancy test this morning even though I thought I recognized some of my former pregnancy symptoms; it seems like a dream that I was ever pregnant, like it never really happened to us, like a bad dream that had such a sweet, precious beginning; December is quickly approaching, which means my due date is that much closer, and lastly God, where are You?

WOW!! God, where are You? Seriously, Mary let's get some things straight. Pregnancy is not a right just bc I am a woman. I am not broken and I am not inadequate as a woman, which are feelings that I have. God blesses us in life and one of God's blessings is the blessing of children and their sweet, loud noises that fill our homes. My God is merciful and He is faithful, and He will bless us with children, one day, in His time, not MINE. So I will continue to praise God for all He has blessed me with, PRAISE Him that I had such a short, sweet time with our little one, and remember that He chose me to be with that sweet life for a short time. Thank you God, as You have never left me and have always been and will be right here holding me on this journey. So God, I am going to continue following doctor's orders, but I know its all in Your time and I trust in You.

By the way, if you have never listened to "Wonderful, Merciful Savior" by Selah, I suggest you do so. Have a fantastic day!!