Cooking Light

I subscribed to this magazine at the end of Gavin's school year last spring. Normally, I see a few good recipes I want to try, but none of these stay around the Cagle house for long. Until now. If you have not bought your own copy of the October 2010 Cooking Light, I highly suggest you do so. Since I cannot find the pictures of some of the delicious recipes we have tried, I will tell you about them.

The mushroom patty melt on whole grain bread, use some reduced fat provolone, lean ground sirloin...and this is one tasty dish. This recipe also called for dark beer...hmm. So I called Charlie while on the beer aisle at Wal-Mart and asked about which dark beer to get. Charlie doesn't speak dark beer either, so I ended up guessing with Yuengling (sp) Dark and Tan (if that doesn't mean dark beer, then I am clueless). We have also tried the potato soup recipe, which was great when Charlie came in soaking wet from the Panther game on Sunday evening. It was super fast and included reduced sodium chicken broth, 1% milk, red potatoes, etc. Best potato soup EVER! Last night, I splurged and made peanut butter banana bread with peanut butter glaze. Charlie had 2.5 pieces...I could only eat half of mine bc it was rich. I liked this recipe bc I used plain greek yogurt instead of oil, eggbeaters for eggs, and brown sugar splenda for the brown sugar.

The magazine also gives tips on what to pair with pear. Here lately, we began using fruit in our salads, such as strawberries and pears. I tossed the mixed greens with a tish of red wine vinegar and olive oil and then start adding the salad contents. Last nights was carrots, pear, goat cheese, and walnuts.

This is the best magazine to transition into the fall season. Go buy yours today.

Tired

Not as in sleepy tired, but emotionally tired and drained of all the blood draws, testing, doctor's appointments, loss, crappy doctor's office, time passing, pain, the poking and prodding, etc. The doctors office called with my progesterone results yesterday, and 13.2 is not the number I was expecting to hear. When I was pregnant, my progesterone level was 34.9. I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday afternoon and I am assuming, since I am not pregnant (btw, my pregnancy test this morning was negative) we are going to discuss a plan of action. I know he is not going to put me on Clomid this next month, which means that next month is going to turn into another barren month. Sick and tired of month after month of disappointment and heart breaks, I am going to discuss my own plan of action with him.

Currently, I am sitting 50/50 on making myself completely numb to this whole idea of getting pregnant for the next 2 months, until I take myself to the Reach Clinic (Charlie and I said we would give this 3 more months) -OR- just stopping every effort we are putting forth for baby and just see what happens. If we have a child, great; if not, it wasn't meant to be. Next month will be 20 months of this journey, and I am absolutely broken, exhausted, and just plain SICK of feeling this way!!!!! I am sick and tired or crying and feeling so weak and vulnerable over the infertility and the loss of our child. Those visions of taking our child to daycare and securing that carseat or holding our child after I give birth seem to be slipping further and further away. I am truly at my breaking point, and knowing how I handle things when I get to my breaking point; I just know that I am going to push this so far away and not want anything else to do with this fantasy that we are going to have a child of our own. Its a pattern that I am well aware of, I put up this wall, that doesn't ever fully come down, and harden myself against what has hurt me so badly. Emotionally, I am checking out.