Mary Full of Life

So if you have been following my blog, you know that I have had a lot of difficulty in getting pregnant. It has been a very trying, tear-filled, and self-reflecting 14 months of my life. The month of March was a HUGE month for Charlie and me; Charlie got saved, we were baptized, and then we GOT PREGNANT!!!! I do not consider this a coincidence; but the sheer work of God Almighty, the ultimate healer. This past year, I have prayed for this child that I now carry and cannot put my thoughts and feelings into words. I am forever grateful to the Lord.

So the first test I took was very faint, and that week we ended up spending about $60.00 in home pregnancy tests because Charlie did not believe it was real and he wanted to see the test line get darker and darker.....THE DOUBLE LINES....FINALLY!!! Just so you, too, can see the progression:

We are just so excited. Our first appointment was April 30, and I was disappointed that we didn't get to see our little jellybean bounce around. Instead, the nurse took away almost all of my favorite foods (ie sushi, tuna, rare steak, brie, goat, and any soft cheese that isn't pastuerized). We go back on June 7 at 8:00 am for our first ultra sound and to hear the heartbeat. So far, there is notsickness, but I know what I want to eat, and when I am not hungry, I am not hungry. I crave skim milk and cereal. I will start posting belly progression pictures soon.

A new, but dear friend, told me when we first met how prophetic my blog title was "Mary Full of Life. This was not the intent, I got the name from the catholic (whatever it is) Mary Full of Grace, but thought it would mock to use that as the title. Therefore, since I am full of sass, I thought Mary Full of Life would work; never did I imagine it to be so full of meaning. We are excited for you to join us in the new chapter of our lives called Pregnancy!!

Praise Alert

On Friday May 14, 2010, my beautiful niece Reagan Blake turned 3 years old. For those of you who don't know, she was born with a chromosomal defect called 8p deletion. With this defect, she could be mildly to severely retarded, have aggressive behavior, and has the potential to be completely self destructive. She was also born with 4 heart defects and underwent reconstructive heart surgery on January 12, 2009. I can't begin to imagine what my dear sister and Rob must have been expecting when they first met Reagan 3 years ago. I am so grateful for this child that I have posted a couple pics:


The morning of Rea's surgery; Team Reagan in full effect!




This is Reagan and her brother Gavin on Easter Sunday 2010.

If this is not proof that God exists and is the great physician; then you are just crazy!!! God bless and thank you for miracles!!!

Please Pray

Hey ya'll. I just wanted to lift a couple families up in prayer. Please pray for:

1) My next-door neighbor Terri and family. Terri's husband Kent passed away Monday morning, there is no cause of death determined as of now, but it was very sudden. I know how in shock we are bc Charlie just spoke to Kent Sunday morning before church in the yard, and I just cannot imagine how shocked his wife and children are. Please remember Terri and Kent's children, 2 twin boys (20 somethings) and 1 daughter (20 something). Their daughter was supposed to get married in 11 days back home in Wisconsin. PLEASE lift this family up in prayer.

2) Also, we have a family in our Sunday school class. The husband was laying down floors in their house on Monday and was using some form of a saw. I know there have been one of few fingers lost (not sure of the specific details), but either way this will be an adjustment to him, his wife, and son. Please pray for his healing and strength.

3) On a positive note, I have praise I wanted to share. A good friend of ours found a job in Charlotte after being laid off, and is starting work today. Pray for him to excel at this new occupation and to continue to provide for his wife.

I've been "stable" all month and then.....

So its been quite some time since my last post; I'm sorry. We have been so busy and ACTIVE. OMG with spring here we are jogging at night, going to the gym after work, going to softball games, and throwing softball in the street in the late afternoons. OH YES, and GRILLLING...one of my favorite things to do!!! You know, I mentioned in my last couple of posts that we were not pregnant last month and that I have really had a peace about me and my demeanor is just different. Well, at some point, the tears and emotions had to show their faces and play Debbie-Downer for about 15 minutes. With the clomid intake, I have to go to the lab every 21st day and get my blood drawn to see if the clomid worked or not. You see, last month, I was so nervous and upset (for some reason) about having my blood drawn, feeling inadequate like the clomid would not work on MY body, OH and then a pregnant teenager (with her big beautiful bump), her mother and who I think was her boyfriend sat down right in front of me at the doctors' office while waiting to get my blood drawn. Well, the tears welled up for sure and I sure couldn't hide it!!! (I REALLY need to work on not judging others.) This month, my 21st day fell on Friday. So here I am going to grab some quick breakfast with my sister before the appointment with my thoughts attuned to Him. On the drive to meet her, something turned on the waterworks bc I had tears everywhere. Its the same feelings/thoughts each time: when will I see the + test and when will it be our turn, and Lord, why can't Your will be NOW?? I can't imagine hearing our child's heartbeat for the first time and I definitely cannot fathom what it will be like to hold our child for the first time. Then just as soon as I met up with my sister, the tears stopped and we talked about it. We have decided that I get this way bc this is when I receive news; its not just waiting, its KNOWING!! So as I set out to the doctors' office, my thoughts were attuned only to Him who I knew would be with me and comfort me...He was with me so much the needle prick didn't even hurt :) . I have also spoken with my Pastor (related to my father) and the fertility situation just came up somehow. The next time we cross paths, he wants to pray over us... AMAZING!
I also cannot leave out that I met a new friend on Thursday night. She is amazing and its nice to know we aren't going through infertility alone. Life is great and God is Awesome!!

Not Guilty



Today at church, I heard one of the most powerful songs I have EVER heard. Its called "Not Guilty" and sang by Mandisa. Below are the lyrics:



I stand accused

There's a list a mile long

Of all my sins

Of everything that I've done wrong

I'm so ashamed

There's nowhere left for me to hide

This is the day

I must answer for my life

My fate is in the Judge's hands

But then He turns to me and says



I know you

I love you

I gave My Life to save you

Love paid the price for mercy

My verdict not guilty



How can it be?

I can't begin to comprehend

What kind of grace

Would take the place of all my sin?



I stand in awe

Now that I have been set free

and the tears well up

as I look at that cross

Cause it should have been me



My fate was in the nail scarred hands

He stretched them out for me and said



I know you

I love you

I gave My Life to save you

Love paid the price for mercy

My verdict not guilty



I'm falling on my knees to thank You

With everything I am I'll praise You

So grateful for the words I heard

You say



I know you

I love you

I gave My Life to save you

Love paid the price for mercy

My verdict not guilty





Wow, I cannot even begin to explain my reaction to this song while it was sung this morning. I just get chills reading these lyrics. I googled all afternoon to find the name of the song and artist, and when I finally found it, I went to Wal-Mart and bought Mandisa's cd called Freedom. AMAZING!

My sister and I were talking Friday night and about life and faith. As I was explaining to my sister the things I have written below in other posts, I just crave for more of The Word, and Lori and I both described it as we just want to constantly be fed with The Word. We cannot get enough. I was explaining to her how much easier it was to deal with another month without a big fat positive on a preggie test, and Lori said it was the the only way she could get through Reagan's heart surgery. With God, all things are possible.

I Blinked...and the Weekend was OVER!!

We had a fantastic weekend. Ross and Lindsey came to visit Friday and Charlie had picked up steaks at The Peach Stand to grill that night. Some of you may not know what The Peach Stand is, but its a York County treasure, that when you pass through, you should just stop and visit. Needless to say, steaks from there are out of this world. Ross and Lindsey brought their dog, Hula, to visit as well. Bless her heart, Hula wants to play so badly, but our dogs, Tonka and Stella, only weigh 9 lbs between the 2 of them, so playing with 30 lb. cousin Hula didn't work out too well. Confession time: I am a Twilight Fanatic and "New Moon" was released on Friday night. Lori, my friend Erin, and I were in line at 11:00 pm at our local Wal-Mart to pick up our copy. In addition to my "ultimate fan edition" dvd, I also scored a REALLY nice "Team Edward" water bottle and some Twlight trading cards and temporary tattoos. The tattoos and cards are in the trash, and Edward Cullen is waiting for me for gym time use. I'll post a picture of the water bottle soon.
On Saturday, we celebrated our dear friend Gabe's 30th birthday party at Brixx in Blakeney and then some bowling action at SportsConnection.
We tried out Sunday school this past Sunday and LOVED IT!! We have never been to Sunday School together, but we thoroughly enjoyed our time and lesson. The people are Oakdale Baptist are super friendly and so eager to meet you and get you involved. I just may be talked into playing softball on the women's softball team...that should be very interesting.

With the weekend concluding, we also found out that I was not pregnant. As I was waking up this morning, I just knew that it didn't happen this month, and that's when I felt Charlie holding me, even though I hadn't yet said a word. I didn't turn over and cry and pull the covers over my head like I normally do, instead I lay in bed with my husband knowing that God has a plan and I know God will make good on His promise. Charlie noticed a peace about me this morning as we were getting ready to leave for work, and was surprised that I wasn't crying or that upset about it all. Don't get me wrong, I am disappointed that there is no baby, but I am thankful that the Clomid did its job, and I am thankful for God giving me strength to accept what I can't help this month. God hears my thoughts and knows just how badly I long for a child; He is the only one who understands what I cannot express in words. Its amazing that this month is the first time in such a long time that I do not feel inadequate and that I can't do what I was made to do. It will work out in God's time, and just like Lori tells me "You will have the right baby for you, and when you have your baby, you can't imagine having any other baby."

WOW Moments

Since my last post, I have REALLY noticed God present in my everyday life. Let me tell you a few intimate details about Charlie and me. When we were engaged, I felt in my heart that my faith was stronger than Charlie's. Now, I didn't just say I thought I was better or I acted better, but I had this deep feeling that I knew I was "saved" and for some reason Charlie was not quite there. You know how us Baptist's work...we are all about being saved....LOL. I knew that Charlie knew who the Lord was and that Charlie was baptized as an infant, but I longed for Charlie to tell me he was "saved." I COMPLETELY REALIZE that I have not been an example and have not always lived my life as I should, sometimes more than others, but I knew that if I died, I knew that I was going to HEAVEN. Last night Charlie and I were watching Season 2 of 24, rented from Netflix bc we are so loving the current season that we needed the background, so we are starting from scratch on 24. I was in this black/white striped sweater I wore to work and my oversized burgundy jogging pants, hair everywhere, rocking the same sinus headache I have had all week, Charlie cooked three meals for us last night bc he burnt the first (and stunk our house UP), the second was a frozen skillet meal (that in Charlie's words tasted like a customer he had worked for the previous week), and the third (also frozen skillet meal) was ok. About 7:30 pm our doorbell rings. Ummmm, we weren't expecting anyone and definitely did not look like it either. We opened the door and it was Pastor Jerry coming to visit. Our neurotic Morkie, Tonka, snapped at the Pastor when he tried to pet him (embaressing), so we had to put both Tonka and Stella up while he visited. We chit chatted about life and the church, etc., but then he shifted gears to Charlie and asked him "Charlie, do you know without a doubt if you died today that you are going to Heaven?" (WOW, talk about blunt...another reason I am drawn to this man.) Charlie hesitantly said "I think so, maybe...." Right then and there Pastor Jerry started witnessing to Charlie and Charlie WAS SAVED LAST NIGHT!!!! It was incredible. After we prayed, I opened up to Pastor Jerry that our conversations about faith were always at a surface level and how I longed for more than that with Charlie, and I married him hoping that if I became an example, Charlie would want what I had. I haven't done a fantastic job at being that example, but I am a work-in-progress. I have such joy knowing that I will see Charlie in Heaven with me one day, and now we can have these conversations that I have longed for. Pastor Jerry said he came by bc he knew he needed to talk to Charlie. WOW MOMENT!!! Pastor Jerry then asked Charlie if we had a good marriage, Charlie told him that we have a great marriage. Pastor Jerry said, do you want to make it even better? Pastor Jerry said, I am going to act like Charlie for a second. He came and knelt down in front of me, took my hands and said:

Pastor Jerry: "Hey Mary"

Mary: "Hey baby"

Pastor: "I love you"

Mary: "I love you more"

Pastor Jerry: "Mary, what can I pray for you today?"

We then prayed (again) and then Pastor Jerry said and then Charlie you need to read the Bible to her. Do this for 45 days and I promise your marriage will be off the charts. After Pastor Jerry left, we did just as he instructed, and I can't tell you today how happy, joyous, blessed, excited, etc. that I feel about not only Charlie, but my marriage to Charlie. Charlie gets baptized on 4/18/2010. I have no other words except the story to try to explain to you how this makes me feel. GOD HEARS US, not only through prayer, but through our thoughts. I am amazed.

In other news, God spoke to me again the other night when I met Lori at the Aquatic Center to watch my nephew Gavin at his swimming lesson. Back track about 14 months for a second, January 2009, my niece Reagan went through reconstructive heart surgery for her numerous heart defects. When Lori was pregnant with her, and over the course of the pregnancy finding out about the heart defects and her form of 8p deletion, it got to where I couldn't completely relax and I could never completely exhale. This went on from Lori's pregnancy in 2006/2007 until Reagan's heart surgery last year. After Reagan's surgery at Levine's, and driving home I could breathe and fully exhale. I wanted to do something in my life where I made a difference, I wanted to be a nurse. AppState didn't have a nursing program at that time, so who knows if I would've majored in it if they had it. I talked to my nursing friends and got their prospective, these thoughts never fully went away and I even looked into community college to start taking prereq's. Charlie sat me down and said with the economy and his job in limbo (at the time) it just couldn't happen. I have still had the desire to be a nurse, but I also have to do what is best for my family. Fast forward to the other night at swimming lessons, Lori said, you know I don't think you could be a nurse. I said why not. She said bc you have to take booster shots and stay up-to-date on your flu shots, and you can't even get flu shots, let alone you may not be able to take the booster shots bc of your Guillain-Barre. She was right and that was the closure I needed to know that nursing is not the career choice I should go with. But my point is that God used her to show me it wasn't the right choice for me, and I had just stopped long enough to FINALLY HEAR HIM!!!!

Speaking of Reagan, here is an old picture of her from last summer.

For now, Bye Bye, Peace Out, Holla, Magic!!